Mama B's Blog: July 2013

Sunday, July 21, 2013

How do I play with my kids?

It's a VERY important piece of parenting that I realized tonight I have forgot how to do. All 5 of us headed out to the pool after dinner for some fun (and a little vacuuming since the pool is looking swamp-like again). I vacuumed for awhile while I watched Beau and the boys play. They played basketball, monsters where Beau chased them around. He threw them up in the air, did some pile drivers, etc.

Let's face it...When Beau is around, I am chopped liver to the older boys. This makes me happy and sad. The boys are so lucky to have such a good relationship with Beau. He is a great Dad who is very attentive and loves to kick back and just "play". Then it makes me a little sad. Why is Dad the coolest? What am I doing wrong? We take turns reading to the boys every other night and whenever it's my turn the boys are bummed because it's not Dad.

I've been reading the book, Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson. It explains how much little boys need their mom during the infant and toddler age. When they hit about preschool the relationship between Dads and sons is very important. The boys need acceptance from their Dad's and a role model to show them "how to be a boy". Is this why I feel a disconnect?

In May I was so excited for summer! No classes, very little work and lots of FREE time to "play" with my boys. Boy was I wrong! I think I feel busier now than I did in school. I'm still doing things to prepare for my last 2 classes in the fall. I have now assumed the "housewife" responsibilities carrying on all the house work, cooking, etc. I have to balance checkbooks and pay bills (only because I am to OCD to let Beau do it). I am thinking about church meetings and responsibilities. I am trying to finish up all the photography sessions before Baby B comes. I am editing like a mad woman. I have been working all summer on "organizing" the office and since Beau finally put up shelves after I had asked him for a month. I've been researching and buying stuff for the new baby.

Now, don't get me wrong, the boys and I have made some trips out to the pool and have taken long naps and watched movies. However, I just haven't "played". If they ask me to play a board game it's a ,"Yep as soon as I am done balancing the checkbook....and one game because I need to load the dishwasher and make dinner." I can't get all this "HAVE TO" stuff out of my head to simply enjoy "playing" with the boys.

There is absolutely no purpose for this post. I don't have a magical answer and while I'll try to do better about it, I probably won't get very far. Just had to vent. Some days I want to have zilcho responsibilities and just PLAY all day! I've obviously forgotten how. Maybe I will someday be able to! I hope.....

Saturday, July 13, 2013

In the blink of an eye.....

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions and NO not because I'm pregnant (ok, maybe that a little). We got back to find out that a 4 year old boy from Hartington was killed in a 4-wheeler accident on the 4th of July. Dylan was one of my first "clients" when I started taking pictures 2 years ago. He was such a ham and so full of life. At the time he lived and breathed John Deere tractors. We borrowed a pedal tractor to incorporate into the photo shoot. He was a healthy and happy boy. Within a blink of an eye, he was gone from Earth. As a parent I know that is my worst fear...loosing a child. He was a beautiful child with great parents and honestly, it's just not fair!

I spent the week trying to get up on housework and laundry and dealing with 3 very active, independent, defiant boys. UGH! I just wanted 5 minutes of someone not needing a drink, or a boo boo kissed or reading a book or playing a game . The boys and I ran into town yesterday before Cole's Birthday #1 that night (What the heck was I thinking? I am fat and hot and not a pleasant person right now). We were getting ready to pull out of the gas station when the funeral procession went by. Hundreds of cars drove by me and I sat there and wept as silently as I could without letting the boys notice. Cole being kind hearted did notice and asked why I was crying. I thought for awhile. Do I shelter him from the pains of the world and not tell him the truth or should I be honest and explain what happened so that he can be prepared for things like this in his future. I very carefully explained that a little boy about Hunter's age was on a 4-wheeler and there was an accident and he passed away to go be with Jesus. He didn't ask any questions (and if you know Cole, you know this almost NEVER happens) and when the procession passed we drove home.

In those few minutes of silence a million thoughts were racing through my head. This poor child, someone who had his whole life ahead and so much more to experience was taken too soon. How did his parents feel? How could they continue to function every day? Did his 15 month old brother wonder where he was? As a friend of the family, what words could anyone say that would help in any way? I was physically ill. I can't even begin to fathom what it feels like to go through this, and I hope I never do.

Then I began thinking, how selfish can I be? I am ticked off because I can't go to the bathroom by myself, because I am constantly telling them to be quiet or pick up after themselves or put the toilet seat down when they are done. They are always screaming and running around like crazy men. All I wanted was some peace and quiet and didn't know how much more I could take!!! What was I thinking?!!! Here I am crabbing about all of these little things while two parents are putting their child in the ground and saying good-bye for the last time.

Right then and there I decided I needed to LOOSEN up! So what if the house was a mess and there was someone always screaming or sitting on my lap while on the pot! They were here with me! I needed to celebrate every moment and work my best to make them as happy as possible.

Yes, I threw 2 birthday parties for Cole and between the two hosted over 50 people. I spent money I wouldn't need to, to see my first born smile big and laugh and run around with his friends. I cleaned my house for hours so he could hug his Nana and Baba who he doesn't see near enough. I stressed myself out and may have chewed out people I love because it wasn't going exactly how it should have gone.

I just wanted this one day (or in Cole's case 2) to be dedicated to that little boy who is my life. He has to share toys, his parents, his bedroom and everything else with his brothers. He deserves one day where everyone drops everything and focuses on him! Forget the mower that needs fixed, or the internet that need searched. Forget that you want to do something besides watch this boy jump off the ladder the same way a bazillion times and have to act as excited about the first stint as the 50th, and focus your whole heart and mind on HIM! He is so worth it!

My heart aches for parents who have lost a child. I never want to experience it. But if I do, I want to be able to look make and say, YES! I made his days here on earth the best I possibly could have for him! His life was full of happiness and love and laughter. He got to experience as many things as he possibly could. That's exactly what I did this weekend. I apologize if I seem so uptight and worked up about a "kids birthday party", but this is for them as my whole life is.

I say that we did a pretty good job of making him feel special! We rented the pool Friday night and spent a few hours with 20+ friends swimming, jumping off the high dive, going round and round on the merry-go-round and opening presents. Today he was surrounded by family and went swimming (his favorite pastime), counting up his money to realize that he has enough to get a Kindle Fire he has been looking forward to and making a sand castle with his brothers (well, at least that's how it started). Yep, this little guy is loved and had a great weekend! I wouldn't change all this "spoiling" for the world. He deserves every minute of it.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Mini-Vaca Fun!

What a great few days! I wasn't sure I was ready to come home and get back to cleaning and all my other responsibilities. We had an amazing time in Des Moines with Uncle Bunny and Aunt Katie! Here's some highlights from our trip!