This Year...An Epic Fail?

The year is almost over!  I can't believe it.  Remember, I am a teacher so my year starts in August and ends in May.  I have 9 work days left and it is officially summer! WoHoo!!!!  I can't wait!  Not because I am excited for summer or to spend more time with my kids or get those million little projects I want to get done, done (ok, well maybe a little).  What I want most is a fresh start!

As I sit wondering when I am going to write the report for the meeting at 8am, looking at the 10+ loads of laundry to go, the laundry baskets overflowing that have never made it upstairs.  While I navigate through the disaster of a house, around toys, plates from breakfast, dirty clothes from last night, dreading moving all the office stuff upstairs that is currently taking over my dinning room, all I can think is....this year sucked!

Yep!  It sucked!  It seemed to be one hit after another. I worked full time last year with 4 school districts, this year I worked 10 school districts full time.  No more time, just triple the work.  I have logged over 18,000 miles just for work!   The kids have been unusually sick this year.  Each one at a different time of course.  The time required for church has increased twofold as Beau is on church council and me director of VBS and on the Internship Committee.  My photography business is jam packed.  Not to mention my classes that take up a ridiculous amount of time and my awful ability to wait until the LAST minute then stress about it..Wait, maybe that's because those are all the minutes I could spare.

Right now I feel like I just did a crappy job as a parent, wife and professional!  Today was Cole's field and track day (the one I thought was next Tuesday).  I hurried over to the school to realize they started early so I missed his first two events.  I stopped at home before and you think I could find my camera or memory card? Nope! Seriously I was the only Mom out there without a camera attached to their face.  It took me until today to realize that next year he will be the only boy in his class.  I don't know all his classmates.  I don't think I listened to him as much as I should have.  We always waited until Sunday night to get homework done.  If I would have opened it up sooner, could he have learned more this year?

As I sit typing this the boys are playing video games. Gasp!  I said I would never use video games as a form of entertainment and if they did get to play them, I would limit how long.  I find myself asking the boys to go upstairs and play so I can get stuff done!  I wanted to be the Mom who got up early, made them a home made breakfast, had milk and cookies waiting after school and plenty of time in the evenings to devote to them.  My 2 1/2 year old is not yet potty trained and it's probably because I haven't had time to put in the time and effort to help him.

I have forgotten lots of birthdays, didn't send cards, had to miss events.  I am on overload! 

So, this year sucked!  I have 9 more days to make it through!  Then I can start fresh!  Next year I want to be more organized.  I want to give each child and family the time and effort they deserve from me!  I want to somehow figure out how my schedule can be more routine and I can drive less.

Next year I want to remember when my kids' big days are.  I want to have the camera charged and ready at a moments notice.  I want to really play with them.  I want to be able to drop everything and focus on them and only them.  I want to give my amazing husband the attention he deserves.  I want to be able to keep up with the housework.  I want to really do my best for VBS and all other activities I commit to.  I want down time.  I want time where no one is asking anything from me!  I want a pedicure and massage every month!  I want to make home made meals to nourish my family.

I know most of that is never going to happen, but I can dream right :)