Pshhh!!! Are you kidding me! My dang pants are too tight and am not ready to wear full panel maternity pants! I'm at that awkward stage where no one dares ask if I'm pregnant because I just look like I've taken advantage of the 8 boxes of girl scout cookies I bought (which I have). And thank you boys for the 26 lbs of baby that has now made everything a little looser....If I hear one more person say, "Wow! Your only 10 weeks? Is it twins?" I may punch them in the face!
I spend the day like a bipolar toddler...."Yayyy!!!!! I love my job!" to (crying in the parking lot of a catholic preschool) "I just can't do it anymore." I have banned any videos involving weddings, babies, anyone with a disability, a cat, well pretty much anything because I will burst into tears! Seriously? I am crying about a girl who just won state basketball because this is her first year and she got to be a part of it? I don't even know this girl! I have the best husband in the world! My stupid ass husband does not understand the definition of clean the kitchen!! Seriously? Cleaning the kitchen is not throwing the dishes in the dishwasher! What about the jelly crusted to the counter? Or the random crap that has been brought in, or the crumbs on the floor!!! That is included in cleaning the kitchen!!!
As far as the pregnancy glow goes, its sweat!!! It's waves of nausea that occur at the worst times possible. What am I supposed to say at a home visit? "Can I use your bathroom to puke my brains out? That would be great! I promise I'll clean up after myself!" Or the car sickness I get when I'm driving! I drive over 2,000 miles a month for work. Really baby? Is this necessary?
So here's my story of what the little miracle has done lately. I drive to Santee about twice a week. On my way there the wave of nausea hits. Ugh! It's ok Jen, you usually don't throw up. Take a few sips of water, you will be fine. Oh boy. This is a really bad one. I'm not going to puke, I'm not going to puke. I am one of those people that is in denial about throwing up until there is vomit filling my mouth. Yep! Gotta pull over, I'm going to puke! I manage to get the car pulled over enough to open the door and empty my stomach on the shoulder of the road. I am still buckled in and hanging out of the car suspended by the seat belt. Good thing too or I would have fallen into the mud. If you've ever had children you know things don't always close up as much as they should. So not only am I puking but manage to pee my pants! Are you kidding me??!!!! I pull it together and shut the door. So here I sit with makeup streaming down my face. What am I going to do? I am 40 miles away from home and am a hot mess and wet pants!!! So what do I do? Well, I do what any logical pregnant woman does. I dig around the car until I find an old crusted wipe that I'm pretty sure I used for the green shoestrings my kid sneezed out the other day. I get the black streaks under control. I turn my heat way up and am them at my now damp pants. I drive to the next gas station and get some powdered sugar donuts. I don't mean the single serving sleeve you can buy. I buy the Little Debbie bag of powdered sugar donuts. I keep heading towards work. Now that I have FINISHED the bag of donuts (hey! Don't judge! I just experienced some great emotional distress) and smile. It will be ok!!! ...and in the back of my mind I think, "This better be a girl!!"
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